What did it all mean?

Goddamn nothin.

What will it all have meant?

I didn't believe in it, you see. None of that fulfilling stuff, supposed to be fulfilling stuff. Thought it was a ruse and a detour and still do. Some day the wisdom may descend upon me like a herald of glory. But no, all a ruse.

You had wished to dedicate yourself and work with heart.

But it all comes to nothing, no? You are not your body, are not you mind, are not your dreams, are not your talents, are not your love, are not your breath, are not are not are not. You are not your heart.

You hold this position for spite only.

Of course. That is as close as I get to the belief in god! If there is no god, who am I trying to spite?